Navigating the adoption process as a teacher

The best place to start is with our happy ending – our two-year-old boy is wonderful, and my husband and I love being parents. 

Most parents say that the sleepless nights, tantrums and all the rest are worth it. We would have to add that IVF, a miscarriage and the adoption process were worth it, too. The procedure is, however, very intense and typically takes 12–18 months from the early meetings with social services to the child coming to live with you.

Timing it right

Adoption is a huge time commitment, and a lot of it unavoidably takes place during office hours. This can be a nightmare as a teacher, because our timetables are so inflexible and our students are so dependent on us.

We had a very helpful social worker, who kindly worked our stage one and two meetings around the Easter and summer holidays, and we reached the approval panel by only taking three prep training days off from work.

I was grateful for this, because family finding was much more unpredictable. Needing to arrange in-person meetings, at short notice, with three or more social workers was difficult. I was very glad I hadn’t already used up all my goodwill with our cover manager.

Who do you tell?

During stage one, I only told those colleagues at school who needed to know. After approval, I shared a little more widely. While most colleagues were incredibly supportive, we found that restricting the number of people in the know really helped us feel more comfortable overall.

It is also helpful to make it clear to those you do tell that you’ll update them if there’s any news. People are kind and want to know what’s happening but walking into your lesson with puffy eyes and a red face after one of these conversations isn’t ideal.

Dealing with the emotions

Adoption is a hugely emotional process. Completing much of the training during school holidays lightened the load greatly, but family finding was a different matter. There’s no clear end point; it takes as long as it takes. This means you’re in a constant state of alert, always on the brink of making a life-changing decision.

Then there are the potential matches that fall through. They tell you not to become emotionally invested, but I found that almost impossible.

I know it sounds clichéd, but everyone we spoke to agrees: when you find the child who’s the right match, you feel it

This is when you need your support network. A good friend in school, an understanding colleague who can step in when you need ten minutes to collect yourself, people at home on stand-by if you need to talk. We would have really struggled without these understanding and wonderful people.

Adoption leave

This is essentially identical to maternity/paternity leave. However, since the process is much more unpredictable, I kept the personnel department abreast of our progress throughout. Social services usually requires the primary caregiver to take the full year’s adoption leave (give or take) to bond with the child. If you are adopting with a partner, you both need to be at home for the first month.

In traditional route adoption, you must give notice to your employer as soon as you have been approved by the matching panel. Your adoption leave will then begin once transitions get underway.

The timing of FfA is much more uncertain – we had less than a week between getting the first phone call about our son and welcoming him home. You can only give as much notice as you have.

Final thoughts

So, what advice do I have for other teachers considering adopting? Use your holidays to get as much of the training done as possible. Have a support network on hand to help you through the process and a designated time each week where you do something fun and don’t even think about adoption. Make sure you read between the lines with social services and ask every possible question during matching. Finally, trust your gut. I know it sounds clichéd, but everyone we spoke to agrees: when you find the child who’s the right match, you feel it.

Adoption is definitely one of the toughest challenges I have ever faced, but without a doubt, our little boy was worth every moment.

We have kept the author of this article anonymous to protect the identities of all involved.